Large Pyle's Last Writers Conference



Money & mail-art don't mix.
Lon Spiegelman



Jack Saunders
Garage Band Books
Box 10501
Panama City, FL 32404

Copyright © 2009 by Jack L. Saunders, Jr.


Wednesday, October 7

At the House

Q: Are you at the house?

A: Yes.

Q: Are you laid off?

A: I'm on furlough.

I go in Monday to finish up.

A day's work. Maybe two days.

Q: What's after that?

A: I don't know. I'm in limbo.

Q: Dangling man.

A: Saul Bellow wrote a book called Dangling Man. Or was it Bernard Malamud?

Q: Did you see Starting Out in the Evening?

A: Yes. I identified with the hero, an aging writer whose time has come and gone.

Q: Did your time come and go?

A: No. It didn't come.

Q: Do you think it will now?

A: Probably not. It's too late. I missed the chance.

Q: What were you doing?

A: Writing books. Supporting a wife and family. Working at dead-end jobs.

The usual.

What everybody does.

Most people, their time doesn't come.

Q: If you were able to write books....

A: I wrote the wrong books.

I didn't write what New York wanted.

Q: New York is not the only game in town.

A: It is for a writer.

Q: What about the Internet?

A: The Internet is a vanity press.

The Internet is Amateur Night.

It's too easy.

Anybody can write on the Internet.

Didn't Joey Pants have a web site in Second Best?

Q: An online newsletter, I think.

A: I have an online newsletter.

Q: Didn't you write a screenplay? NoMoPo?

A: In The Woman Chaser, the hero edits his movie down to a perfect four reels.

A feature film is six reels.

Q: NoMoPo isn't even four reels.

A: No, but it shows how I conceived of WORK as a treatment for a screenplay, instead of just as a novella. I saw WORK as a screenplay as I was experiencing it.

What kind of a person sees his life as a screenplay?

Q: It isn't a movie, it's a television miniseries. A soap opera.

A: I used to listen to Johnny Dollar: The Man with the Action-Packed Expense Account.

Q: Guy Noir.

A: I pronounce guy gee.

Q: Are you a Garrison Keeler fan?

A: Too middle-of-the-road (MOR) for me. I keep thinking, "Did Lenny Bruce die in vain?"

Too public radio.

Q: America loves public radio. Middle America.

A: I love Samuel Beckett. Dream of Fair to Middling Women.

Speaking of Samuel Johnson, John Wain writes that scholars write for other scholars, and find "fit audience" "though few."

Maybe a cult following of high-one-, low-two-figures is all I'm meant to have.

Q: Kevin Kline playing Willy Loman in a dinner theater in Opa Locka. Florida.

A: "We can't hear you."

Q: You might as well make a virtue of necessity and just write your newsletter, post it at The Daily Bulletin, and send Larry and Hazel a hard-copy when you have a book's worth.

Send agents and editors query letters about it.

Write pamphlets and give them away at writers conferences.

A: That was my last writers conference. They're not going to have Large Pyle to kick around anymore.

Q: You told them to go shit in their hat.

A: I ain't gonna be treated thataway.

Q: You had one person come to hear you.

A: One is enough, if it's the right one.

Q: I thought it was funny when he stood up, and said, "Mein Fuhrer, I can walk."

A: Yes. And when he played the zoo-zoo with me, and hummed like a digiridoo.

Q: Why did you send HOUSEHUSBAND to Melville House Publishing without the screenplay on the end?

A: I didn't know how long it would take me to write it.

I didn't know if I would finish it.

I thought I might die first.

Q: That's an irrational fear.

A: I wrote the screenplay in three days. Saturday, Sunday, and Monday.

Today's Tuesday.

Now I'm writing LARGE PYLE'S LAST WRITERS CONFERENCE.

That goes on the end of HOUSEHUSBAND too.


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