Q: You are the man who did everything right.
A: Yes.
I made Phi Beta Kappa. I graduated magna cum laude. I was named an Outstanding Senior.
I won a one-year University Fellowship to FSU and a three-year NDEA Fellowship to Tulane.
I was on my way.
I was going to be a college professor.
An academic.
A member of the professoriate.
Q: What happened?
A: I majored in the wrong subject.
I peaked too soon.
Nixon got in and punished the hippies.
Nixon sounded the death knell to the Great Society.
Q: You weren’t a hippie.
You were upwardly mobile.
You were chasing the American dream.
A: The American dream is go to school, get a job, find a wife, settle down.
Your wife has to work too. Or wants to work.
What with child care, and the commute to work, for which you will need a car, your life is over.
You won’t have health insurance.
When the babies get sick you have to take unpaid time off.
You will get laid off in a recession.
Food stamps and unemployment won’t pay the bills.
You will have credit cards. You will have debt.
Actuarily speaking, this is a certainty.
It wasn’t an accident.
It was the reality.
The American dream was a pipedream.
You didn’t see it.
You were blinded by the lies and bullshit.
Q: You have a paid-for house.
You have a pension.
You have health insurance through Medicare.
You have a web site. The Daily Bulletin.
You are writing about the American dream.
The American dream: what happened?
The American dream: is this it?
The American dream: pardon me, boss, but ain’t you pissing in my pocket?
What more do you want?
A: Nothing.
It’s the best of all possible worlds, and I am Fortune’s favorite child. Like Walter Anderson.
Q: Walter Anderson’s mother-in-law complained of a headache and he punched her in the face.
A: Yes. He called it the Walter Anderson headache cure.
I punch Brenda in the face.
Because I lack advancement.
The poor have more domestic abuse issues than the middle class.
Artists aren’t very good partners.
They’re selfish and mean. Desperate.
They’re like Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney, attacking each other.
I am enjoying the Republican presidential race.
I enjoy seeing them hit each other in the face.