I didn't understand how things worked.
I thought I could get by on merit, my own efforts,
not have to have a mentor, not apprentice myself to
an older professor, be his nigger. I didn't realize that,
to win research grants and have your papers published,
in the right journals, you had to curry favor with the folks
who could help you. Join the masons. Or the Aryan Nation.
I wasn't a joiner. I couldn't say the pledge of allegiance to the flag.
When everybody stood, I remained seated. I ain't lying.