Physical: 6' 4" tall, 285 lb. Eyes, blue. Hair and beard, white. Skin: tanned. That is, red neck, brown arms, tanned legs. Red neck, white socks, Blue Ribbon beer. A beer gut. Once wrote a book called RED TAPE, WHITED SEPULCHERS, AND BLUE-NOSED CHAUVINISM.
Memorable first lines: Art Brew went out to the charcuterie, for forcemeats. On his bicycle.
Number of book-length books written: 264.
Number of pamphlets, chapbooks, and four-page sheets self-published: 172.
Number of books posted on the worldwide web: 76 (first 40 taken down).
Number of book-length books published: 8 (plus 1, forthcoming).
Number of book-length books sold, for money: 1 (forthcoming).
Amount of Sale: In negotiation. Probably low-three-figures.
Will it pay for your plane ticket? No, I paid for that. But the publisher paid for the hotel room. I got a good deal on my flight.
Old Folks flashes on himself watching Dr. Strangelove when it came
out, at a SAC base in Albany, Georgia, the Peace Is Our Profession billboard at the
main gate, the B-52 alert crews in their flying suits, with their little unit-designation
dickies at the neck, like a B-movie cowboy (like Slim Pickens, in fact), Old Folks
the only one laughing.
Highest rank held: A/1C with over-four-years service (buck sergeant).
Military decorations: Didn't see combat.
Non-judicial punishment: Two weeks of additional duty mowing lawns for refusing to contribute $1 to a voluntary fund drive.
Quote derived from movie: I'm going to do this [write The Empty Nest]
if it hare-lips everybody on Bear Creek.