Q: What is a round tuit?
A: I picture it as looking like a No Oprah logo.
It's an excuse. "I'll do it when I get around to it."
It's
circular reasoning. You aren't published because you don't have an agent and you
don't have an agent because you aren't published.
It's a pun. The lowest
form of humor.
Q: A literary agent would ask Thoreau to rewrite Walden as a graphic novel so she can sell it as an action movie.
A: Action is character and character is plot. Thoreau walking in the woods,
observing the wildlife, ruminating about his neighbors, and their lives of quiet
desperation, is action.
A round tuit used to be square, and had the edges
rounded off by the shithopper it had to pass through, like the nutmeg grater being
ground down by the nutmeg.
Q: That's actually the opposite.
A: One time Tall Timbers had a machine for sorting insects. It had stainless
steel screens containing holes of successively smaller diameter.
It spun
too fast, and you got a paste at the outer screen.
Q: I saw a movie called Spun once. About cooking meth.
A: Mickey Rourke?
Q: Yes.
A: I saw that.
To me, the books that come out of the corporate
publishing process are paste. They have been overedited. The selection process is
flawed. They all read alike. Every voice is represented but the working stiff, the
Florida cracker, the redneck, Lynn Freed made fun of her students for wearing baseball
caps.
I wear a baseball cap.
A gimme cap with an anatomically correct
boar hog on the front from B & B Feed & Seed in Wewahitchka, Florida.
That's me on the way to the Sam Doyle show, in Atlanta.
Q: You're a regular Kinky Friedman.
A: Willie Nelson said he wore running shoes instead of cowboy boots so people wouldn't mistake him for a truck driver.
Q: What are you going to do about Hurricane Dennis?
A: Evacuate.
Q: Where to?
A: I have motel reservations in Tallahassee for Sunday and Monday.
We plan to leave early Sunday morning.
Q: Good luck.
A: Thank you.