Q: Your mother wears GI boots and your father does the housecleaning.

A: That's true.

Q: You could subtitle READFEST 2006.

RACE, SEX, WORKING FOR A LIVING, AND THE BOTTLE.

A: You laugh.

But when we meet somebody we don't know anything about, we form an immediate impression based on their race, gender, sexual orientation, social class, and whether they are sober or not.

Social class is tied to occupation.

Are they a working stiff, a manager, a rich person.

Q: In the movie Capote, Philip Seymour Hoffman says the impressions are almost always wrong.

A: Intelligent people want to know about people other than themselves.

That was the success of In Cold Blood.

After seeing the movie Capote, I realized that if Capote could have shown himself using Perry Smith, as the movie showed him, that would be a nonfiction novel.

I realized that no writer can do that.

Therefore, I can just write a book that will make me the Cracker of the Moment.

Q: Some crackers would disown you.

A: Yes, the ones with Dale Earnhardt decals in the truck window. Rebel flags.

I disown them.

I have as much right to call myself a cracker as they do.

Q: Like Dick Gregory calling his autobiography Nigger.

A: I have used cracker in the title of several books. CRACKER, CRACKER POWER, OLD FOLKS AT HOME: A FLORIDA CRACKER'S SUNSET CRUISE, THE SALVAGE ARCHEOLOGIST OF FLORIDA'S CO-OPTED COASTS: A MEMOIR OF 38 YEARS OF GRACIOUS CRACKER LIVING.

Q: You could call it Who's Afraid of a Large White Man?

A: It's been done.

I know everyone in publishing is afraid of offending a large black woman.

Q: You seem to have time to read Charles Barcley's book, see the movie Capote, and be up on the James Frey controversy.

A: And go to booksALIVE 2006!, a Lewis Family Concert in a church, the Joe Lee Memorial Pick-In, and the Everglades Bluegrass Festival.

In the movie Capote, Truman reads an item in the newspaper, calls up William Shawn, says, "This is the story I want to do next," and "I want to go now," and becomes the most famous writer in America.

I see an ad in Bluegrass Unlimited, decide to attend a festival in Ojus and write a book about it, and write 120 pages, single-spaced, without going anywhere or talking to anyone.

My query letters go unanswered.

Q: You could call the book I DRIVE TO OJUS.

A: I'm going to stick with READFEST 2006.