Q: You just wrote a three-part memoir, BLUE-COLLAR REDNECK: WHY WON'T NOBODY HIRE ME AS A WRITER? Now you're writing READFEST 2006, going back over the same ground. High school, the Air Force. Your stack of unpublished, or underpublished books.

Q: Frank McCourt wrote Teacher Man, after writing Angela's Ashes and 'Tis. Surely, he covered being a teacher in the first two books.

When Angela's Ashes was published he became the Mick of the Moment.

That didn't happen with BLUE-COLLAR REDNECK. I didn't become the Cracker of the Moment.

Maybe it will happen with READFEST 2006.

Q: So you intend READFEST 2006 to sell. To be commercial.

A: I intend all of them to sell.

Q: Did you want to be a teacher, in high school?

A: Yes. I wanted to be an art teacher, like Mr. Ennis. And paint after work. Go to art shows on weekends.

High school art teacher would be my day job. Painter would be my métier.

Q: Why didn't you do that?

A: I had to get my military obligation out of the way first.

There were Communists to fight. A nation to protect. I would serve.

Then I'd have to finish college.

I might discover something I liked to do better in college.

I wasn't sure yet whether I'd be a painter, a musician, or a writer.

My heroes were Charlie Parker, Jackson Pollock, and Lenny Bruce.

A stand-up comic.

I might be a stand-up comic. Like Lenny Bruce, Lord Buckley, or Redd Foxx. Brother Dave.

Q: What would your day job be?

A: Waiter. Bartender. Cab driver.

I wouldn't fuck her with a cab-driver's dick. Cab-drivers got a lot of pussy.

I would get lots of pussy.

I might be a nerd, now, but when I became rich and famous as a nightclub comic I would get lots of pussy.

Q: Teachers get lots of pussy.

Coeds.

A: That's a bad idea.

That's frowned upon.

Q: They want the leading role in the class play.

A: Alas.