Those are two keys to my lack of advancement
right there. I was jealous of a writer like David Bottoms—
or Edmund Skellings—and I despised people who taught writing
in a university or sat on foundations, panels, boards, committees.
This is not adaptive behavior. It’s maze-dumb. I attack
their rice bowl. Of course they act defensively,
retaliate. Of course they try to extirpate me.