Professor of Cracker Studies
Point and Shoot, FL (YU)—Scrib was a Professor of Cracker Studies, without portfolio.
Of course without portfiolio. Who would give Scrib a portfolio? The junior college?
Scrib gave himself one.
He said he held the Typing Chair in Salvage Archeology, by analogy with the Bowditch Chair in American Archaeology Gordon Willey held at Harvard.
The Typing Chair was an actual chair. The Chinese-leather arm was eaten off by flop-sweat.
So much pressure.
Scrib also gave himself prizes.
One prize he gave himself was the Oxditch Prize, for Retreating or Disappearing Artists. By analogy with Emerging Artist.
When the ox is in the ditch, one rolls up his sleeves and gets to work.
The Oxditch Prize
was the glass stopper off a Worcestershire sauce bottle. You inserted it in the end of your penis when
you pissed in the
There was also a
clam-shell stopper for women, the tanga, or micro-bikini, like the women of
Scrib didn’t want to look up tanga in a search engine, or Google Images, because it was against Corporate Security at his day job. He also had security clearance issues there, from attacking former president George Bush at his web site.
He called the former president Expotus, but most people could figure out who he meant.
He calls Expotus’s gang of war criminals and thugs the Bush-Enron Administration.
He can’t get a word he writes in edgewise. Gen. Smedley Butler called himself
“a gangster for capitalism.” They don’t need the Marines, they do it with a pencil.
They have Blackwater. They have the CIA. I’d tell you but then I’d have to kill myself.
Scrib had a job writing training programs for the unemployed for a defense contractor. Part of the economic-stimulus-program relief package, to put people like Scrib to work.
Temporaraily. For a defense contractor.
Scrib was a mini-Eichmann for capitalism. A cog in the laissez-faire economy. The free, unregulated market.
A soldier in the transition to a post-Cold War economy.
No, that was the other President Bush. The President Bush of the Reagan-Bush Recession.
This was the President Bush of the Bush-Enron Administration Recession.
Communism had collapsed, the peace dividend had disappeared, along with the budget surplus we had under President Clinton—what happened to the Peace Dividend? What happened to the budget surplus?
We had a new enemy now. The War on Totoism, as Expotus called it. Run, Toto, run.
We know what he meant. Run, Toto, run.
Run where? Do what when you get there?
There was no place to run.
There was nothing to do when you got there.
That was the beauty of it.
It was open-ended. Let’s see them recover from this.
