Q: Derek Raymond wrote what he called black novels.

He wrote a book about what that did to a writer, psychologically.

He called it The Hidden Files.

A: He couldn't not write black novels.

He started writing a novel, he went down into darkness.

You go down, you might not come back up.

It marks you. Going down into darkness.

I called The Hidden Files a black memoir.

I am on social security. I should not worry about what happens to my work. Just write the books, and try not to mar them with complaint.

Q: Good idea.

A: I think I brought rejection down on my own head. By my attitude.

Maybe it's just the nature of the beast. I don't know.

But unrelieved rejection affects you, psychologically. You become preoccupied with it. You end up writing about it. Book after book.

Q: So SOCIAL SECURITY is not just an asynchronous memoir, it's a black memoir.

A: Yes. And I set out to be merry and bright, like Henry Miller.

Here I am, whining about my plight.

Q: Stop.

Fall back and regroup.

Start over.

A: I feel like adding this to the end of at the house and quitting. Taking a break. Not writing until I get in a better frame of mind.

Q: The holidays are depressing. Especially when you're out of work.

More suicides. People falling off the wagon. Domestic violence.

A: I went to an AA meeting for a bunch of motorcycle crazies, Sobriety in the Wind, no booze, no dope, no weapons, and a guy said, "I hate fucking Christmas," and everybody said, "Hear, hear!"

Q: I hate fucking Christmas.

A: Hear, hear!